My life was a lot simpler before I had Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter and all the other social networking sites. If it weren't for Tumblr right now, I wouldn't be stuck in this predicament of having said sorry about something but being completely scared to go and deal with it, in case I go and mess things up again. I've done this to her twice already without meaning to. I don't think she can take a third time. But I've started it, do I have to finish it?

I also realised today that I'm very scared to go on my year abroad. So much, that I considered quitting altogether. I didn't say anything to my uni friends because I know they'd be supportive no matter what I chose, but deep down, I think they'd be disappointed if I just jacked it all in now, after how far I've come. I don't really know why I'm so scared. I'm used to being independent, but it's a lot to ask for me to just up ship and move again. I've done it before, and I vowed not to do it again. I hate moving, leaving, saying goodbye. I said it once before to Flo, and I have to say it again. I've never said it to the others but I have to this time. Knowing that it's not goodbye forever doesn't seem to console me at all. I just want to skip past it and get to the year after. Maybe then I can do something worthwhile and finally make some people proud of me.

I'm so lost in my own head that I don't know anything anymore. What on earth am I gonna teach a 12 year old about life? If I ever get to him at all...

Ciao x